Where I Learned to Find My Voice 

When I first walked into English 110 this semester, I honestly didn’t know what to expect. In high school, especially in my AP Language and Literature class, everything I wrote had to follow a strict rubric. Every sentence had a rule. Every paragraph had to “look right,” and because of that, I always felt scared to make mistakes. Even though writing isn’t my strongest skill, especially since English is my second language, I’ve often struggled to write in the “standard” way my high school teachers expected. Over time, this made me start to dislike writing. Reflection assignments were particularly frustrating because they came with detailed requirements as well. What I mean by a heavy rubric is that a rubric is a set of strict rules and guidelines that tell you exactly how to structure your work, what to include, and how to phrase things, leaving little room for personal expression. Don’t get me wrong, I understand that every assignment needs some rules or expectations to guide your work, but it becomes frustrating when following these rules controls the process, even for personal essays, where you are supposed to express your own thoughts and experiences.  I often felt like I couldn’t truly express myself the way I wanted. To make things more intimidating, my AP teacher would sometimes say things like, “College writing is very difficult,” which made the whole process feel even more stressful.

Additionally, transiting from that to this was a completely new experience for me. When my professor said I could write freely, without worrying about perfect grammar, I was genuinely shocked. I remember thinking, “What do you mean I can just write whatever I want?” or “Are you sure I don’t need to follow a heavy rubric?” or “What do you mean I can write freely without worrying about my grammar?” Reading Amy Tan’s “Mother Tongue” also helped me understand how powerful writing can be, even without using “standard” English. When she included the dialogues between her and her mother talking, the kind of English some people call “improper,” I realized that to her, it was completely normal and meaningful, which is why I believe she named the story “Mother Tongue.” That showed me that writing doesn’t have to be perfect to be powerful; it’s just how you organize and present your ideas and emotions. 

One of the biggest things I learned this semester was how I had full control of my writing. When I wrote my Language and Literacy Narrative, I felt free for the first time in a long time. This time, I didn’t end up hating writing a personal essay because I wasn’t boxed in by a rubric. I wasn’t told my emotions were “too much.” I wasn’t told to remove my personal story. Instead, I was encouraged to bring myself into writing, which is why I ended up writing beyond the word limit. For example, I wrote in my LLN, “When I first moved to America, I was ten years old. I started school in 5th grade… My hands shook as I walked down the hallway…” Writing this felt natural, almost as if I were talking to someone who genuinely wanted to understand my life. I didn’t worry about my grammar or “perfect structure.” I just expressed the truth about how scared, confused, and alone I felt as a child in a new country. Being able to write this way helped me discover that writing doesn’t always have to sound “perfect” to be meaningful. Sometimes the most powerful writing comes from honesty. This freedom helped me gain confidence and believe that my experiences and voice matter.

Writing my narrative also pushed me to look back at moments in my life that shaped who I am today. Some memories were painful, but reflecting on them helped me understand how much I’ve grown. For instance, I wrote, “That moment broke me into pieces, and my mind was filled with all the negative thoughts like ‘I could never speak English like them’…” This was the moment I used to avoid because it was hurtful. But writing about it helped me finally face it and understand how it affected my confidence. I also wrote about becoming quiet and anxious because of fear of judgment: “Even though I became introverted and more anxious, I didn’t let that be the end of my story.” That line showed me that even during hard times, I still kept moving; I didn’t let negativity dim my spark. Writing about the people who supported me (my mother and best friends) also made me realize how important relationships are in personal growth. Through reflection, I understood that I didn’t grow alone; I grew because the people around me gave me love, patience, and belief. Learning to reflect helped me appreciate them even more.

Another major lesson I learned this semester was resilience. Writing helped me face the fears that I’ve avoided for many years, especially my fear of speaking in front of people. I loved how we had multiple options to present our LLN instead of sticking to the standard way of presenting, such as writing a poem or making a video, etc. This made the whole experience more enjoyable, and a lot of people were creative with their presentations. In my narrative, I wrote, “I choose to take a speech class to push myself, expand my communication skills, and face the fear of talking to people while making eye contact that I’ve been avoiding my whole life.” This was not easy for me at all. But realizing that I could make this decision on my own showed me how much I’ve grown emotionally. I also wrote, “Through it all, I always tried to stay disciplined, keep myself on the right path, and maintain a positive mindset.” Writing this reminded me that everything I’ve overcome, anxiety, judgment, and self-doubt, comes from years of pushing myself, even when it was out of my comfort zone. My mother’s words guided me through everything. My mom would always say.

One of the most meaningful things I learned came from Amy Tan’s “Mother Tongue.” Her story touched me deeply. For the first time, it was a story that I highly related to out of all the stories I’ve read throughout high school. Because it reminded me of my own relationship with language. When she wrote about the way her mother speaks, many, many people saw it as “broken” English. But again, understood as something meaningful, emotional, and full of love. That made me think of my own family, my own first language, and the way people have judged the way I speak English. In my narrative, I wrote about trying to ask the lunch lady a simple question and being laughed at. I said, “I couldn’t form the sentence correctly, and my pronunciation was off.” That moment changed the way I saw myself, just like how Tan talked about feeling embarrassed for her mother at times. Reading her story made me realize that English shouldn’t be standardized to one “correct” version. People express themselves differently depending on their backgrounds, cultures, and experiences. That doesn’t make their language wrong. Amy Tan helped me understand that writing from my heart, even if it wasn’t perfect, can be more powerful than following every grammar rule. And this class allowed me to do that freely. 

Another important learning moment came from writing my synthesis essay. At first, I felt overwhelmed because it was a completely different type of writing compared to the narrative essay. I had to use research, evidence, and academic sources, which is something I’ve done before, but this time it helped me strengthen my teaching skills on a deeper level. Using the sources, especially the worksheets given by the professor, also helped me do my research more thoroughly, such as how to look for credible sources, how to introduce your sources, etc. I found the “Integrating Sources into Your Writing” worksheet mainly helpful because I was struggling at first with how to effectively paraphrase and cite the sources properly. 

I learned how to connect my personal observations with scholarly sources to make a strong argument. For example, my essay is about how vaping affects Gen Z. I didn’t just rely on what I saw in school or in public; I used studies from the Surgeon General and other researchers to support my points. Adding personal observations and evidence made my writing stronger and more meaningful. In high school, essays always felt like checking off boxes on a rubric, but this time it felt like I was actually investigating something important. It taught me how to think critically, evaluate sources, and use research to tell a bigger story. This essay pushed me to grow my writing skills and helped me learn that academic writing can still feel personal and powerful.

In conclusion, this semester taught me lessons that go far beyond writing. I learned how to express myself freely, and the majority of the realization came from my narrative essay. I learned that writing doesn’t have to be perfect to be meaningful and that my experiences and emotions matter. From my narrative essay to my synthesis essay, I learned how to express myself honestly while also using research to support my ideas. Receiving feedback from peers, drafting, revising, using multiple handout worksheets, and the instructor’s feedback helped me boost my essays even more. I also learned to face the fears I’ve avoided for years and to believe in my growth. Amy Tan’s “Mother Tongue” showed me that language is personal, and this class gave me the freedom to write in a way that truly reflects who I am. Because of that, I now feel more confident to write my story in my own way without following any heavy rubric. This class didn’t just improve my writing skills; it helped me find my voice.